Wednesday, February 12, 2014

My Husband's Spending

My last few posts have had a bitchy undertone about my husband so I thought I would do a separate post on it.

We've been together for almost 14 years, married for almost 10. Y has matured considerably in that time with respect to finances but is still the generous guy I met. When we met, he was cooking at a restaurant and didn't make a lot of money but he freely spent. That is, until he didn't have any more. He would spend all of his money on me, himself, whatever. One of my favorite memories of Y is when I stopped at a convenience store so he could buy smokes. It was bitterly cold, like 40 below. He came out with a cappuccino for me because "I looked cold." But he didn't have enough money for both so I had to buy him smokes later. It's the thought, right?

Y was generous when we were dating and is still that way. He doesn't put a ton of thought into money and doesn't stress about it like I do. He has the attitude that it will all work out. I like that he is giving and generous. He would literally give somebody his last ten bucks.

We share similar long term goals which has helped us achieve what we have. We both agree that its important to have money in savings and to live on less than what we make. We prefer to keep our debt to a minimum because you never know what will happen. However, we disagree more on the day to day spending.

I knew going into our marriage that we wouldn't always agree on financial matters. I'm actually ok with that. If I was with somebody just like me, life would be boring. I like being with somebody who is more of a free spirit with money. I like having a generous husband (even if its our money).

My only complaint is when we need to cut back and he's much slower to do that than me. We're still working on that...

Is your mate just like you with regard to finances?


  1. Hubs never spends money and he has no idea what we owe. But he also has the lowest paying job with the biggest commute in the state. He did not get a full time year round job until he was almost 38. He is very laid back and lazy. I hate to say that but he is LAZY. He has gotten better but he has very few wants of needs above food. He would live in a Teepee if allowed. I however want it all and was not raised to be poor. So I have to assume all the responsibility or we would have nothing! He does not bring home enough to even do his commute and make a house payment, but if you say anything he has a great job and makes good money. It is such a joke. I do like his benefits package. I am a work a holic because I have to be.

  2. DH and I share the same long term goals, but he spends whatever he has in his pocket. He's not really a purchaser of big ticket items ... but he will spend $10-15 here & there all the time without even thinking. During the first year of our marriage (we will celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary this summer), we had some disagreements about the pace of his ATM withdrawals. We finally went with the whole allowance thing ... I take out money from the ATM once a month and give half to DH every two weeks (I wanted to give it to him all at once, but he declined saying that he would be "broke" by the end of the second week). It works for us b/c I just write off that money and don't really care what DH does with it - if he goes out to lunch with co-workers or spends it all on diet Coke, I don't care.

    I have to laugh about your cappuccino story b/c DH often stops at the coffee shop and picks me up a latte if he's at the library (next door to each other).

  3. In our marriage I am more the spender, and when it comes time to tighten our belts I feel it much more acutely than DH does. We have the same sort of long-term goals, though, so if I am concerned about anyone's spending it is usually my own. Since DH's primary responsibility is home stuff, he really does not go anywhere but Home Depot or the hardware store for some specific need, and he always tells me before making a purchase for tools or materials he will need to accomplish a project.

  4. And that is why I am single because of both Exes (daughter's father, former boyfriend). In each relationship, they would not cut back, and finally drove me away. It is a fundamental thing for me.

  5. Michael never worked full time when we were together - he was perfectly happy to leave the earning, saving and spending all up to me. I didn't particularly like the fact that it was all in my hands but I know we would have had NOTHING if her were in control of the money. He's a "live for today" kind of person whereas I like to save for the future.

  6. uhhh...I probably shouldn't be saying this, but...not my mate, but a man that I work with, he's a lot younger than me. He works really hard and doesn't blow money wastefully like I do. I've had a crush on him for awhile now, and I think he feels the same way about me, but I'm not sure. He would be really disgusted if he knew about all my student loans. He never went to college, he went straight to work out of high school. He is pretty financially responsible from what I know and works long hours to pay all his bills.

    I think if I dated him he would be very annoyed by my bad money habits.

    Sorry if I sound crazy. I've never actually been in a relationship so I've never had to realize how money problems can tear things apart.

  7. Well.... I've recently been informed that I make a lot of small purchases for myself, while DH makes large, and that together we manage to spend it all up. He didn't say it in a mean way, we were just discussing saving and our recent struggle with it and it came up. It surprised me and I don't know that it's necessarily true, but I'm being mindful of it and trying to do better.
    I do get tired of endless dishes and we eat out a lot on weekends. Sometimes I think he blames me for the money we spend dining out because I could cook (and do, 4-5 nights a week), but honestly, I just get tired of standing in the kitchen alone.
    More than anything, I think he gets busy and just doesn't realize how little time has elapsed since our last big expenditure. Sometimes a week feels like a month, but the paychecks only roll in so quick.

  8. Not going to pretend I fully understand because I'm single and the last time I was in a relationship money wasn't really a concern because we were both young, poor and frugal lol. Good thing you two agree on the long term financial goals. The smaller things shouldn't affect the bigger picture as much, as long as the broader picture is defined and agreed upon :)