Thursday, April 17, 2014

Hiding Money from your Spouse

This is a conversation between Y and I the other day.

Y: Do you hide money from me?
Me: Yes
Y: You do?
Me: Yes, in my jewelry box for my own shopping. It's money I get for Christmas or just tuck away.
Y: I actually know about that money.
Me: ok?
Y: yeah, like really hide money in a separate account?
Me: Well, I have our savings in two online accounts, one for a new vehicle for you and one for irregular expenses.
Y: I know about those.
Me: what do you want?
Y: The guys at work were talking about how they all have separate accounts that their wives don't know about.

Pretty sad, huh? Like are they saving for a divorce?


  1. That sucks - definitely not the kind of marriage I would ever want to have.

  2. Sounds like a case of where the woman spends all the money and so the man has to hide it from her in a separate account. Or the man has a mistress he is paying for. Or he's planning a divorce. All three options are awful.

  3. I probably have accounts my husband doesn't know about. Not purposely hiding anything but he really doesn't care about finances and is content to let me deal with it all. If I get a big bonus, I will skim a little off the top for myself before I put the rest in our joint account. I don't tell him I do it. But if he asked I wouldn't lie about it. Whenever he gets a really big check, I give him some extra spending money so I figure it evens out.

  4. OK, horrible story, but here goes. At my husband's work many years back, many of the "guy" employees had post office boxes in the building just for this company. My husband asked one day why didn't he have one and was he even supposed to have one. The guy said that my husband was not the type. Type of what? The type that keeps mistresses on the side, so the post office box is for their secret bank accounts and credit card statements.

    I don't like secret money, but I know it works for some (and not in that regard!)

  5. My husband has no idea how much money or debt we have. He's not interested. He just tells me to take care of it all. Should something ever happen to me, he's screwed!

  6. I am not married so I do not know what I would do but, mom used to tuck away some money just in case and when a major expenditure came up or when money became tight in a particular month or when she felt like treating us, she would surprise dad. So, it wasn't like she was hiding money to spend on herself. Dad was not very good with budgets and setting money aside for rainy days.

  7. It's funny, I've often heard of women doing this, but not men. My impression of it from women (of an older generation, mostly, it has to be said) was that it truly was running away money in case things ever got bad. I suppose you're talking about a generation of women (the stereotype anyway) who didn't know from one week to the next whether there'd even be money coming in to the house at the end of the week or if their husband's would have drunk most of it before they got home. And I think those women often passed on the idea to their kids of always having some "pin money" (like pocket money for wives) tucked away. I'd hate to think of ever being in a relationship where you weren't totally open and honest, especially about finances but, since I'm single, that's probably easy for me to say. I do think finances can be one of the most difficult things to talk about.
    I remember a scene in Mad Men where they came up with the idea of marketing an "executive account" for a bank - especially for men who wanted to have a discreet account (for keeping their mistresses). Can't actually believe that kind of thing still goes on!

  8. "The guys at work were talking about how they all have separate accounts that their wives don't know about." Yikes! I enjoyed the conversation though. thanks for sharing it. I can't say I hide money from my husband but he knows nothing about our money. I'm with Michelle, if anything happens to me my man is up the creek...

    1. That's horrible. Marriage should be a partnership and placing all the burden of financial planning on your spouse is a thoughtless and unloving thing to do.

  9. I hide money from Hub's all the time, of course he does not make enough to hide and he really does not spend.

  10. My DH doesn't get vacation "time", but instead a vacation account that a portion of his hourly wage goes into. Lots of his co-workers believe that's the man's money to do with whatever he wants. A lot of wives don't even know how much goes in there. They think it's ridiculous that DH doesn't run out and buy whatever he wants whenever he wants but instead takes my opinion into consideration. Just crazy!

  11. There was a time when I had to hide money so when I needed to pay a bill it would be there instead of gambled away. I'm so very grateful those days are over!

  12. That makes me so sad. You can't have a solid marriage if you have to hide money. Now to ask Den about it. LOL